Attached is an article about the ring theory of grief. I first came across it years ago and it "rang" (pardon the pun) true then as someone on an outside circle. I have been in all the rings of the circles and having experienced life in the middle, this theory "rings" even more true. This will help those of you who are scared of saying the wrong thing etc.
The way this works is that you need to identify whereabouts you are in any given tragedy or difficult situation. The inner circle is those whose day to day lives are directly affected. Most likely, those in the same household. The concentric circles spread out with close friends and family blending into those further away until on the very edge are the people who may not even know the people in the centre, but they do know someone in one of the other circles. Once you know where you stand, it is easy - comfort in and dump out. The ones nearer the centre do not need to hear how distressed you are, or how angry you are, or how you may blame someone for the situation!!!! If you feel like that - tell someone further out than you. If you need comfort, don't go looking for it from those inside. They need comfort FROM you.